“Sometimes when we are around family members or friends who do not have consistent behavior expectations for their children, their child has a tendency to be mean to my child. My first reaction is for “Mama Bear” to come out and jump all over that child. Usually though, I do nothing. What would be an appropriate and helpful way to respond to this type of behavior with other people’s children?”
BREATHE. As always, the first step to handling difficult behaviors is to pause and breathe. The skill of composure helps us to turn off the negative responses to our situations and refocus our energy in a positive direction. Take a moment to breathe deeply and calm yourself before responding to the situation.
ATTRIBUTE POSITIVE INTENT. When someone else’s child acts in a hurtful way towards your child, stay in your place of calm and attribute positive intent to the misbehavior. You do this by saying to yourself something like, “Oops, they must not know how to use kind words,” rather than “I can’t believe they are acting like this…they should know better!” Positive intent helps you stay in a problem-solving state and helps you to offer those problem-solving skills to children. You can even demonstrate this skill to your child and the other child when you approach them about their behavior. While you might be tempted to ignore the behavior altogether, or choose a frustrated or angry response, instead begin with something like, “Oops! It looks like you may not know how to use helpful behavior. I will help you, so we can all stay safe.” Remember to use a sincere tone, not a sarcastic one. This isn’t a time for sarcasm or shaming, it’s a time for teaching.